In which doubt can be stilled or stirred…

by Craig on December 7, 2010

Is a blog a place to pour out a heart? I am about to pour. If you’d rather wait for me to pick up sharing with you what I learned from Scripture, there will, God willing, be tomorrow.

When I began blogging I started by not starting.

What I mean is that I read bloggers, seeking my niche. I read the top Christian blogs. I didn’t expect them to all be written by men. They were excellent, concise, educational. But not a one seared my heart. Then I came across one blog written by a woman – a mom.

It cut right through. Then I followed her blogroll to others, they did the same, even moreso.

I kept following blogrolls, thinking that what fueled their heart would fuel mine as well. I didn’t think for one moment that each blog they read – every blog they read – would be written by women. So soon I found myself reading not a single male written blog.

The waters seemed safe, refreshing, welcoming.

I was exuberant. I thought I found a way to be able to read other blogs, have my heart inspired, then encourage others by telling them how their words bolstered my heart. Then with that inspirited heart, write to touch other hearts.

Exuberance and excitement collided with distance and disallowance..

This blog, and it’s twin, are parts of very important dreams. I almost ended both of them on day number 4. I was crushed that day and today again. That’s twice, and I’ve only been at this two weeks.

But it’s the continuing on in the face of doubt that is doubt’s undoing. I know this – so there is only one thing to do.

I’ll continue. The fire within has been reduced. Inspiration has become impediment. The doubt which was there from the start has been stirred – violently – twice now.

So to meet doubt with faith. To get up again after being thrown down by sudden and unexpected headwinds. To try to find an updraft to climb like an eagle. To see with better eyes, from a higher perspective. To not lay down, To not give up. This is my calling. It is our calling.

To pray?

Always the first option.

To find someone to help me remain afloat as I am being submerged? I’ll look. But people are always an imperfect source of strength. Bless their hearts.

If you made it this far. Thank you. You’re a really nice person.

Here’s the thing, really nice person – if you find yourself discouraged. If your dream has been trampled on. If areas you thought were open and friendly turned out not to be so. If you have failed and no matter how hard you try can’t undo the failing.

Then today my friend…

…today, my friend, as I pray for me, I’ll pray for you too. God knows what I don’t. I’ll count on him to work without my knowledge. He’s good like that.

And I’ll keep doing in the face of doubt. I know what that does to doubt. I’ll keep praying, and listening, and learning, and writing. It just might be harder now. And that’s OK. I want my way. But I want God’s way more. I’d like easy, but I know the worth of hard.

And if you made it all the way down here to the bottom.

God Bless You.

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Anonymuss December 7, 2010 at 6:11 am

i will be back, sleeplessness in the night, so will try to get some sleep now, but when i think one of your writings is a pinnacle, i find one like this one which touches far beyond in ways that give me hope and encouragement that i needed so much this very morning. yet that is selfish. it is you who are in need of hope and encouragement. your blog is a rare star of light in the blogging world-in the world period. you understand with heart. you go beyond mind. mind has a place, but it doesn’t reach as far as heart. your blog-you-do that with your gifts of writing, of understanding, of heart…or love as you put it so well.

I don’t know what is touching your world with pain, only hints, but i will pray for you before trying to gain a few hours of sleep. i will pray that God will send himself even through someone or several someones whose paths cross yours-to help blunt the pain and bind up the wound. He does that. He is so good that way. He has used your writing to do that in my life. I pray that He uses people of His knowing and choosing to do that in your life, as well as touching you directly with His Being.

I pray for your fire within. Your blog is an exceedingly valuable way station-likely more than you can imagine.

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Anonymuss December 7, 2010 at 6:59 am

“distance and disallowance”…i don’t have a blog of my own, so i don’t know what those things might be looking like or meaning to you, but i will pray for those things as well. i do know what it is like to find tire tracks on my dreams. i will start there when i pray for you…and that God will heart you in the warmest and mending-est and most restorative way possible.

Craig, your blog ‘sears’ hearts. i hope you don’t leave too soon. that is selfish…for myself and for others. that may be one of the distance things about blogging that you mentioned. it is a bit virtual…so it is more distant. i like the days when you pour out your heart the best.

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bill (cycleguy) December 7, 2010 at 9:15 am

Don’t know what pain you are experiencing Craig but I would simply say, “don’t quit” until the Spirit tells you to. When you have said all you have to say to everyone whom you need to say it to, then close down shop. But not until. FYI: because of my job I can only read and comment on so many. I only have time for so many. I might read but not have time to comment.

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Debbie December 8, 2010 at 1:51 am

No problem what so ever reading to the end, dear friend of faith. . . one who faces doubt with doing. One who teaches depth and heart to words, that makes scripture come alive and dance before us, beckoning us to come closer, to look longer, to trust and believe He is all He says He is. And more.
Praying for your fire be ever lit and blazing, burning through the discouragement and pain. I hate it so much that something has happened that shook you like this. And I know I’m not the only one. You have many who have been touched by you. I wonder what I would do if I had faced whatever you faced when first starting out here?
God bless you and give you peace and rest . . .and a big hug from me!

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Craig December 8, 2010 at 9:31 am

Deb, thank you for the prayers – needed. And this is just a tiny little brand new blog – so there aren’t that many who care – even know. But the ones that do I cherish.

Thank you

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