In which I never met her, but…

by Craig on September 15, 2011

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A “better than the angels” is about to soar where angels dare to tread.

I remember the first post of Sara’s I ever read.

I never left her enough comments to say how astonishing her faith and her words were. It’s kind of the only way someone who blogs knows that their words are treasured, you know? A writer wants nothing more than that their words be treasured.

I treasure her words.

The post that I read was how she had arranged a wall…
filled it with hopeful things: art, words…
even in a hopeless situation.

I’m sure she flinched…
entertained doubts…
she is human…
But you don’t fake a faith like hers.

And she may be in her final days now…
Maybe her final hours…

I never met Sara…
just her words…
just her faith…

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Just like I’ve never met almost all of you…
just your words…
just your faith.

And my heart…

is…

shattered.

If all we have is this life…
if all we have are our accomplishments…
or religion…
or money…
or even our families and friends…
it isn’t enough.

Because as her life ends I’m reminded of how much there had better be more…
and how glad I am that I know, I know, I know, that there is more.
I’m reminded of how much evidence we have in our lives that God is…
that there is so much reason to believe that this is not all there is…
that saying words like eternity, infinity, and everlasting have to mean something…

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…and they do mean something.

How can I cry this much over someone I’ve never met?!

But soon, very soon, even though she dies I believe she will live … still.
Not in some symbolic way, where if we keep her memory alive, then she’s alive, but she will really always be…

alive.

She knew this was coming…
and she chose joy…
I can only aspire to the same faith…
the same heart…
the same courage…

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…the same joy

I’m sorry…

I’m really sorry, Sara…
that your earthly life has been cut so short…
it isn’t fair…

it isn’t fair…

it isn’t fair.

I despise how unfair this life is…
I detest how this world is broken…
I hate that your body broke…
I heart…
I heart…
big fluffy heart…
how your spirit never did.

Sara’s one little word for 2011 was…

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“praise”…

Mine was “connect”.
And she did…
and I have…
and…

my. heart. is. in. pieces.

A “better than the angels” is about to soar where angels dare to tread.

{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

Cora September 15, 2011 at 8:50 am

Craig, thank you! I sat quietly for a very long time at her blog site last night. I pondered many of the same tender thoughts that you expressed here. In some ways, I felt deprived because I never had the chance to meet this very special person and her little white fur baby. Yet, in other ways, I felt I was forever changed for having found her in the middle of this infinite cyberspace. Angels stand at Heaven’s gates today waiting to welcome Sara home.

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Craig September 18, 2011 at 10:32 am

I’m sorry, again, I’m so late in replying. But two weeks ago there was a week without near zero sleep. And this last week I’ve been overwhelmed with sadness for Sara Frankl. And as I stand vigil over Sara, from afar, along with so many others, and tears become as natural as breath, I’ve fallen behind, in reading – and commenting – and replying – and I’m sorry, because I heart your comments, and so today, finally, through the sad, powered by hope, and faith, and love, here’s my reply… I heart that you have been so patient with me…

… and Cora, along with a few others, I know I didn’t have to include that first part of this reply. Because you are always so patient with me. And she does have a little white fur baby doesn’t she!! (((smile))) and as I write this, she’s still here, her family says she’s resting peacefully most of the time. And I still can’t stop crying. God bless you Cora!

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Layla Payton September 15, 2011 at 10:31 am

Oh, precious Lord…how we thank You for life eternal.

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Craig September 18, 2011 at 10:34 am

Layla, so many of my thoughts have rushed to eternity this week, because it’s brushing with time. It brushes against time – all the time – we just don’t get to see it. Sara is seeing it – and I’m feeling that – feeling it heavy, deep, pressing. Thank you Layla, God bless you!

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Andrea Dawn September 15, 2011 at 10:34 am

Sara is kind of like a shooting star to me . . . I only just discovered her about a month ago. So quickly she has raced across the sky . . . soon to be home. I feel like I only got to walk once around the block with her yet feel the sting of her leaving as a tremendous loss. Mingling my tears with all whose hearts are in pieces.

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Craig September 18, 2011 at 10:37 am

I’m sorry, again, I’m so late in replying. But two weeks ago there was a week without near zero sleep. And this last week I’ve been overwhelmed with sadness for Sara Frankl. And as I stand vigil over Sara, from afar, along with so many others, and tears become as natural as breath, I’ve fallen behind, in reading – and commenting – and replying – and I’m sorry, because I heart your comments, and so today, finally, through the sad, powered by hope, and faith, and love, here’s my reply… I heart that you have been so patient with me…

… and Andrea Dawn, I guess we’re all a little like shooting stars aren’t we, wisps of smoke, blades of grass, flowers in the field… And my heart – it’s still in pieces… I think it’s both a blessing and curse that I will move beyond this soon – too soon – not soon enough – I never get any timing right ((( smile))). God bless you Andrea Dawn – and thank you.

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Caroline September 15, 2011 at 12:11 pm

Craig – I echo your feelings. Sad, heartbroken, but thankful for Sara and what love God has shared through her. She continually inspires me to choose joy, no matter what circumstances.

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Craig September 18, 2011 at 10:39 am

I’m sorry, again, I’m so late in replying. But two weeks ago there was a week without near zero sleep. And this last week I’ve been overwhelmed with sadness for Sara Frankl. And as I stand vigil over Sara, from afar, along with so many others, and tears become as natural as breath, I’ve fallen behind, in reading – and commenting – and replying – and I’m sorry, because I heart your comments, and so today, finally, through the sad, powered by hope, and faith, and love, here’s my reply… I heart that you have been so patient with me…

… and Caroline, this is what bittersweet is. No? Every time I forget to choose joy – I pray that I remember her – and in the remembering, choose… Joy. Thank you Caroline, and God bless you.

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Victoria September 15, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Until today I had never heard of her, and yet I feel her magicalness. Part of me wants to cry, mostly for the grief I feel from you Craig along with other commenters. But mainly, I’m thrilled that some day I will get to meet her. May God comfort all who know/knew her as you/they grieve.

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Craig September 18, 2011 at 10:44 am

faith, faith IS sometimes a feeling of magical. She has faith – she will need it much longer – she’ll know (((( smile)))). And it is awesome that we all will have a chance at the definitive family reunion one day. No? Thank you Victoria, thank you, and God bless you.

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A. September 15, 2011 at 1:50 pm

Craig, thank you so much for sharing Sara with us. I had never ‘met’ her until today. I was going to go to town for errands but just spent two hours at her site. So many tears, and then just a quiet peace that all is really well with her. Such an inspiration. She will be joining the Father of Lights, and what a beacon she is-a part of His light to us! More tears at the thought. Such a precious one!

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Craig September 18, 2011 at 10:47 am

A. Yes, such an inspiration. And she will be joining the father of lights, and that’s the happy part, and maybe I should be happier, maybe I don’t have enough faith, but I think she obviously does. And going into this, while she was still talking more than I’m sure she is right now, she expressed how worried she was – not for her – because she was ready, but for everybody else. God bless you A.

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Debbie September 17, 2011 at 1:43 am

What a miracle she is. To share all of this with us? And that her word she chose this year is praise. Yes . . .her life has certainly been a praise to her Jesus.
Why can’t we stop crying? What is there in this that God is doing?
God bless you, Craig, for helping to connect us to Him and to Sara. Prayers for you too, as you pray.

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Craig September 18, 2011 at 10:50 am

and yes – her word of the year – she called it her little word of the year – and she has been, and is, the kind of praise God hearts best. I haven’t stopped praying for her all weekend. I meant to write more, but then I thought, I get so content oriented, and into the writing as I write – and I don’t want to be into the writing, I want to be into this moment. I’m so sad, so, so sad, and yet there’s meaning wrapped in the sad, and even joy, not happy, but joy. God bless you Debbie.

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