In which a leaf is cut off

by Craig on October 4, 2011

to believe in Jesus, and to die, is to live more fullysource

I saw the leaf on the ground and thought to myself…
“…cut off from the land of the living…” (Is 53:8, PR 2:22).

When the leaf was on the tree it was life, taking in carbon dioxide, and mixing it with the sunlight, and transferring that life to the tree. The tree is going dormant, but next Spring it’ll have more leaves and it will continue to live – barring any tree related catastrophe. But the leaf? It had a little green left yesterday, less so today, and soon will be just a dry husk skidding across the road. It is cut off from the land of the living.

But Sara isn’t – and we won’t be.
Sara is now alive in a truer sense than we are.
And suddenly there’s the first smile I’ve had about Sara’s death.
Because she doesn’t need me to continue dwelling on her to remain alive.
She. Is. Alive.
She’s not like the leaf.

I’ve been writing exclusively of Sara, and feel a little like not doing so anymore is somehow forgetting her…

and I’m thinking how true that would be – and how horrid – if this life were all there is.

If that were the case then Sara would be just dead now…
just a dead body laying in the ground…
and what made her alive would be gone…
and she would have just blinked out of existence.

to believe in Jesus, and to die, is to live more fullysource

If that were the case…
persistent Autumn leaves would continue…
she’d be covered over and forgotten…
memory being the only thing keeping her “alive” in our hearts.

But it’s not the case.

And she’s probably a little occupied right now…
nonstop love to deal with and all…
living in full bloom…
mountaintop to mountaintop…
no pain, no tears, just absolute, full to the brim, life.

I think she would say, “Enough now, thank you for the attention, but where was it that you left off before my death so rudely interrupted?” And yes, from what I know, she’d be just that flippant about death, with just a hint of snark.

I left off in the middle of contemplating the fullness of time…
that one perfect moment for the Messiah of the world…
to make Sara not be like the leaf.

is death the end?source

If Our Lord had come just a little sooner, or later, everything would have been messed up.

Only a perfectly all-knowing God could pinpoint that time in history…
and Sara is basking in his glow right now…
and that makes me happy for her…
for the first time I’m really. happy. for. her.

And I can almost feel her whispering, “Now, what was that you were saying about the fullness of time?”

So tomorrow…

back to contemplating history…

and the touch of God upon it…

that one perfect, magical moment…

that was the fullness of time.

Because it’s time.

Please come back.

{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Victoria October 4, 2011 at 10:27 am

I’ve got to send a few lines from this to my friend whose wonderful husband recently died. I think she will find a moment of comfort in her constant sorrow. I hope so anyway.

I’m looking forward to reading you tomorrow.

v

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Craig October 4, 2011 at 1:31 pm

I know all the things people were saying – and maybe it eased their sadness – “she’s dancing with Angels”, “she’s walking the streets of heaven” – you know. And I believed that all along without doubt, but it didn’t stop the tears. This really was the first time I smiled about Sara being in heaven. And I’m looking forward to having you read me tomorrow Victoria ツ God bless you!

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Debbie October 4, 2011 at 12:52 pm

Thank you for helping us with the fullness of time, His and ours and Sara’s. :)
God bless you as you live fully for Him!

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Craig October 4, 2011 at 1:34 pm

All the fullness of time writing is timed awfully well – isn’t it? Kind of has God’s fingerprint on it. No? God bless you Debbie.

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Martha Orlando October 4, 2011 at 7:34 pm

Craig, I am so gratified to see the hint of a smile in your words and the promise of joy in your heart for Sara’s peace and perfection in the Father’s love. The grief, the tears, I believe, are necessary to help us swim from this side to the other, to take our human limitations and offer them, once again, to God, who weeps with us, holds us, hands us back unto ourselves, and gives us the reassurance that our loved one is safe and treasured in a Heaven we can only imagine.

My husband and I will be taking my parents (both 83) to a funeral this Friday for a dear friend they have known since high school. Your words of faith, of healing, of hope for Sara, I will carry as comfort in my heart. May your words fill me with ways to offer comfort to others who so desperately need to hear . . .

God bless you always!

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Craig October 5, 2011 at 6:42 pm

sorry I’m late again replying to your comment – computer problems today – ugh. And there really was a hint of a smile as I wrote this – and it really was the very first time I had even a hint of happy about where Sara is. All the answers – knowing all the answers – there is still, grief that a person has to go through – I should remember that. I think I will. And I have prayed for your parents – and the funeral. Thank you for sharing – so that way I know what to pray for. God bless you, Martha.

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Dawn October 4, 2011 at 9:59 pm

Dear Craig,

Ah, the old fullness of time discourse. I’m ready! *

May the Lord fill you with His Spirit so you feel less of the pressure of the hour glass,
Dawn

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Craig October 5, 2011 at 6:51 pm

-been writing so much from the heart lately – I’m a little afraid it might be dry – let me know if it’s dry – if I’m writing without heart – I shouldn’t be writing. And thank you. God bless you Dawn.

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Layla Payton October 5, 2011 at 12:44 am

I hate death.

I love “snark.”

Here is a cool, snarky quote: A Christian can’t die, they can only have their address changed.

(I stole that quote from Voice of the Martyr & changed it up a bit.)

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Craig October 5, 2011 at 6:55 pm

Layla, sorry I’m so late responding, computer problems today – and the fact that death is even here at all – I hate that, but I heart God , and I trust. And I think a little bit of snark is good – but awfully hard to control. I bet you control your snark just fine. God bless you Layla!

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