In which there is a dark, dark dream (pt3)

by Craig on November 4, 2011

And I dreamt a dream…
because I know I should share the gospel with someone…
but I don’t want to.

I know I should share the gospel with someone… but I don’t want tosource

As a child in Brooklyn there were streets I was told not to go near – especially as evening fell. I’ve been to those streets. And in the dream, I was in the middle of them now…

this is part 3 of the dream…part one is here...two is here

and ahead was the one I was looking for…
rampaging like the demon possessed boy in the gospel story…
screaming in agony – and unleashing it violent hot.

And I don’t want him tormented.

He sees me and heads toward me full gallop…
and stops inches from my face…
eyes bulging, darting all around, forehead wrinkled, jitters.

“I don’t know where I’m going. I don’t! I can feel hell on my trail – the dogs nipping at me. I can’t escape it. But I know you can take it! You can take this from me!”

And at this point let me share real life. There was a time when my sister was heartbroken, and nothing was working well, and she was trying so hard, but she was young and our mom had died, and our father – well – he chose to be worse than gone.

I know I should share the gospel with someone… but I don’t want to

know what I mean?

source

I was in the basement doing laundry and talking to God. And I talked to him about Gina – and how I hated to see her like this – and was scared for her.

And this prayer…

“Please give it to me…
all that pain, and hurt, and misfortune…
please God…I can take it…
I don’t know if she can…
let me protect her…
I have to…
just send it my way…
just give it all to me instead…”

My knees fell on a pile of clothes.
I wanted it done – right there.

I’ve never asked this any other time…
and this is the first time I’ve ever told anyone…
and my sister will likely never know…
and that’s good.

I’m sure it’s not a prayer God says yes to very often – but trust me, it’s obvious he did this time.

So this part of the dream – it has roots in fact.

And back to dreaming…

There is carnage everywhere, buildings ablaze, chaos…

I know I should share the gospel with someone… but I don’t want tosource

…but in this one moment it all fades to background and there is only a desperate man pounding on my chest – as if he can take his pain and hammer it into me.

I can feel it sinew and soul deep.

I tell him. “There is strength in weakness. He’ll build you back up. But be reduced first – less of you – more of him.”

He jumps back as if I was a bonfire and there was too much heat.

And his eyes reveal a longing to stay, and settle, and agree.

But his body flares up and takes over…
a prisoner to rabid fury…
and off he races…
disregarding anything in his path…

like a bulldozer clearing away trees…

and I have no choice…

I have to follow…

♥✞ღ

and you know I hate to do this…

but the dream….

it will end next post…

please come back…

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Cora November 4, 2011 at 9:59 pm

Craig, to pray, “Please give it to me. . .!” What a sacrificing of self that is, and it struck a cord in me. That’s when you know you really love someone — when you are willing to take the hits meant for them. I’ve raced through my mind and heart and it’s like a computer screen filling with names and faces — some from way back in childhood and others more recent. And I wonder which ones would be on my “top ten” list that I would take the beatings for.

Then, in an instant, I’m reminded that our Lord teaches that yes, a good man will lay down his life for his friend. Sometimes. But would I do it for the one who doesn’t like me? The enemy? The one who beats the life out of me? Like He did. How far will we go to be like Him? A little embarrassment? A deflated ego? A rejection? Maybe even some pain now and then. But ALL??? And there stands that cross — the one meant for us and for that ugly self that stands inbetween what we know we must do but can’t seem to do it.

I’ve been so moved by this. I’ve come back and reread it all several times. I hesitated from commenting because it is yours and yours alone. Yet, to NOT comment looks like I don’t care and got nothing from it. And in reality, this all goes so deep for me. . .

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Craig November 5, 2011 at 6:43 am

Cora, first thank you for commenting – because you KNOW how we bloggers are about comments ツ. Second, I remember – remembering that moment that I asked for everything that was hers to be heaped upon me – and looking back and thinking, “boy, this has been a tough decade – but you know, she’s safer, and better, and stronger.”

And about laying down your life for someone – I think sometimes it wouldn’t be that hard for me, say on a plane, with a terrorist, or bank robbery with hostages, to step in front of someone else who’s been taken out to be killed and say – no take me instead. Somehow I think that would actually be easier them laying down my life minute by minute for someone. Anyway, thank you for reading and being so nice. You are a constant blessing. God bless and keep you!

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Debbie November 4, 2011 at 11:10 pm

Craig, I am just wondering why you didn’t just ask God to take it from your sister? Why did you feel it had to be given to you . . .or someone? I am not judging or condemning in asking, just really need to know. thank you and God bless you!

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Craig November 5, 2011 at 6:50 am

well – that certainly would’ve been a simpler thing huh? were real when I was in the basement! ツmaybe it was a misdirected sense of justice – maybe it was ideas about sacrifice and self-sacrifice – maybe it was that verse ringing in my ears, “no greater love…” – and there’s this too – maybe it was a leftover from reading the book – not seeing the movie – because I was too young to see the movie – The Exorcist – and how in the end the priest took the demon from the girl onto himself. I actually read that for prose reading competition i High School – you know, I think maybe that’s it – that act of self-sacrifice really got to me before I was a Christian – and then of course THE self-sacrifice of Jesus – those two things combined I think led to that prayer. Really good question Debbie! And you go ahead and pick away – any time you want – I totally trust your judgment – and I’m always sharpened by loving criticism – criticism in the good way – the way that you just did it. God bless you Debbie!

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Layla Payton November 5, 2011 at 8:22 pm

I think that when we bear one another’s burdens, we touch them hem of God’s love for us. For those of us who have Christian siblings (friends, family) in Christ, who are willing to literally walk through our pain with us, strength is gained. Not only for the one who is hurting, but for the one who is helping. And though we absolutely should ultimately give it all to Jesus, He does call us to bear each other’s burdens. If we aren’t willing to look into the pain of others, how can we know the depth of their existence? How can we say, “I love you. Your life is worth me taking a closer look. I refuse to look away, just because I only want to see beauty, smiles, and the ‘good parts.’ You are worth fighting for,” if we hide from everything uncomfortable, or messy? Jesus was (is) all about messy. He calls us to get messy too. Just dig in, and leave the cleaning up part to Him.

Craig, I have this friend….he wanted to literally restrict himself to join in the difficulty I face. Because I fear for his health I denied him my “recipe” to partake…but my heart has never been touched as deeply, regarding this matter. Because this person laced up my shoes of struggle onto his very feet….

…I felt the love of Jesus as I had never known (regarding this struggle in my life) before. That is walking through the fire with someone. That validates their worth. It is how Jesus loves, for He not only carries our burdens…

…He nailed them to the cross.

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Craig November 6, 2011 at 5:11 am

I’m really hearting the sharing of burdens with others right now and praying for others. And to “place of the shoes a struggle onto your own feet.” and literally share the struggle of someone else – that just seems like love – doesn’t seem a big thing – it just seems like love – and we (read I) should do it more often I get it Layla – and thank you my friend – and any time you need someone to lace up shoes along with you – just let me know. God bless and keep you!

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Dawn November 6, 2011 at 12:46 am

This past week I had three people lay themselves down for me, alone and on separate occasions. I was able to tell the one woman that I thought her stand was like a laying down of her life for me, and I quoted our Lord when He said, “There is no greater love than a woman lay down her life for another woman.” Our head nurse demanded she write me up for something and she wouldn’t do it. She said she knew the extenuating circumstances and she wouldn’t do it. I told her “I have never had anyone risk their professional life (lay it down like she did) for me.” I told her such trust in another is difficult to come by these days. (I just came from Deep into Love where the focus is on trust so I’m right on here.) The Lord is so very gracious…even to His bugs.

Interesting inter-weavings here, Craig,
Dawn

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Craig November 6, 2011 at 5:15 am

it’s funny, Dawn, how I often don’t mean to interweave between the two blogs – and they really are on separate tracks – yet how often they do interweave with each other like they are right now. I kind of DON’T feel responsible for that – and that’s nice. And I’m really glad that you have an ally where you work – I do personally know how hard a situation like that must be. God bless you my friend!

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