In which I say a scribbly “Thank You God”.

by Craig on June 4, 2012

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We can dress up our scribbly lives with the written word. Because we can edit, and edit and edit and edit.

And then edit. ツ

Oh what a mess these thank you’s were for hours and hours.

Thank You God…

#933… for editing. It makes jumbled up, sloppy chaos into something useable…eventually.

#934… for constantly editing…me. I’ll be usable…eventually. ツ

It normally takes me about 3 hours to write a post. You wouldn’t believe if I told you how long this one took. There has been no sleep for 48 hours. Mostly my insomnia grants me some sleep every night. But sometimes there are stretches of 48 or 72 hours or more where it denies me any sleep at all.

I’m about 56 hours into this stretch.

Every hour thinking gets worse, the mood turns darker, the body hurts more and I can do less.

I feel pretty scribbly.

So I can give up…

or…

gather the shatters…
and piece them together…
and let Our Lord make something of them.

God can make the broken…beautiful.

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Thank you God…

#935… that sometimes thank you’s may not feel real or true or grateful at all…at first…but the more they are uttered…the more real, true and grateful they become.

God inhabits praise (Ps 22:3).
I think God inhabits gratitude too…
because maybe…gratitude to God…

is

praise.

So there’s no sleep.

It’s ok – it really is.

It’s my thorn.

I don’t want to be healed so long as this thorn has a purpose.

I have appreciated your prayers for a cure. But there should be no cure if God wants it to remain. And if he wants is to remain…that’s ok. ツ

Thank You God…

#936… for praying people.

#937… that no prayer is ever wasted.

#938… that You are my strength. I better not ever forget that.

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And the timing of this is good.

Because temptation has been furiously rearing its head lately…

old temptations revisiting…
new ones swirling about…
an avalanche of temptation really.

And I see…

as this sleeplessness makes me weak, and makes it harder to think, to do stuff…

yielding to temptation will make me weak, place me further from God…make it harder to hear Him…understand Him…and do His stuff.

I feel some temptation posts coming up. ツ

Anyway…

if you do pray…

don’t pray for this sleeplessness at all…

pray for the temptations whirling about like banshees.

Thank you God…

#939… for loss being gain

#940… for sin not being my master (I only have One of them.) ツ

#941… for being real and present and all powerful … and being love.

{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

Sylvia June 4, 2012 at 10:48 am

“I don’t want to be healed if this thorn has a purpose.” A hard surrender, but so good. Sometimes I get to see how He’s using a thorn for my benefit, maybe “re-editing,” and that gives me hope for times when I can’t make sense of things.
Praying against temptations. Sounds like you need to keep calling out to Him and casting all the burdens on Him, over and over, repeatedly — even if it doesn’t seem to be “working.” God bless, Craig.

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Craig June 4, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Trying to run down and lasso my brain today – so I’ll keep this quick. Thank you Sylvia for your prayer – and this thorn has done much damage – and obviously much good over 15 years – but geez – WAY TOO MUCH temptation!!!! God bless.

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nancy June 4, 2012 at 10:52 am

i pray that you live by the Spirit and that you keep God as the strength of your heart. please pray for me too. i’m grateful, and thank God, for you. God bless you this day.

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Craig June 4, 2012 at 4:06 pm

I think God hearts when we pray for each other – I just finished praying for your spirit, your growth in your faith, Jis hand in your life, and it was a pleasure – thank you, Nancy. God bless and keep you.

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Rebecca June 4, 2012 at 10:56 am

Craig….you are usable n.o.w.
And in those moments of fatigue, when the soul is weak the temptation is always there, isn’t it? And, the temptation seems more powerful in those weary moments but right.you.are – temptation is not our Master! I won’t pray for your thorn to be taken away because I sense the Lord using that thorn in a most mighty way but, may I be bold enough to suggest trying something natural, like Melatonin, to break the cycle? :-) Praying for you, my brother and hoping my suggestion is not perceived as being insensitive.

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Craig June 4, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Meh – only a little usable – much more than I used to be – the thorn has done much work – but thank you Rebecca. And about all of the different “cures” thank you, but melatonin, serotonin, serotonin re-uptake inhibitors, sleep clinics, lung specialists, heart specialists, sleep specialist, alternative medicine, chiropractic, acupuncture, psychologist, psychiatrists, all the natural supplements and remedies – over 15 years – it’s ALL been tried. It is what it is – if a cure happens – lovely – if not – it is what it is. I hate the thorn – I love the God. And no worries, I appreciate your suggestion. God bless and keep you!

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Stacy June 4, 2012 at 11:09 am

…but the more they are uttered…the more real, true and grateful they become. Isn’t that the thankful, blessed truth? So often I don’t feel thankful or peaceful or content, but if I make myself say “thank you” over and over…my heart changes with each repeating.

Craig, I pray for God’s will in your sleepless nights and peace to reign in your heart whatever that will is. He can use us in every situation. He can teach us in every circumstance. Allow his strength to be yours and stand strong against temptation. Have a God-filled week. :)

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Craig June 4, 2012 at 4:14 pm

“for God’s will in your sleepless nights and peace to reign in your heart whatever that will is.” That’s a splendid prayer! Insightful! And you bring up a really good point Stacy, sometimes we don’t even have to point out what we’re thankful for – just say two simple words. I’ll be trying that. Thank you, and God bless and keep you.

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Christina June 4, 2012 at 12:41 pm

The lies seem to reverberate louder when we are struggling. Praying God will use this thorn for His glory and that you, like Paul, will find your strength in Him. Your lists always teach me and draw me closer to Him. Blessings!

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Craig June 4, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Christina, this year I have had blogging alongside of you – and learning FROM you, well, I consider it a blessing – one to be counted. Thank you as always, and God bless and keep you friend.

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Martha Orlando June 4, 2012 at 2:54 pm

I will pray then, Craig, that all temptations be removed and that God’s will is done in and through you. Blessings, dear friend!

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Craig June 4, 2012 at 4:17 pm

the temptations being removed would be nice – sometimes it’s better if God arranges it so that temptation runs away from US – rather than us having to run away from IT. But always, ALWAYS, as you said – God’s will be done in everything. Thank you Martha, God bless.

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Cora June 4, 2012 at 3:22 pm

I’m praying for you, too, Craig. And I love that verse you posted. It rates right up there with “When I am weak, then am I strong.” David knew all about this, and so did Paul. So why would we expect to be exempt? It takes a lot to say that we don’t want to be healed if God has a greater purpose in the thorn. And so my prayer for you (and me) will be for endurance, strength, clarity, and wisdom. Thank you for this today. If (since) God inhabits the “gratitude” of His people, then He definitely was in this post!

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Craig June 4, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Cora, it was a mixed up muddled mind that wrote this post, I’ll give God any credit for any good that came out of it. It began kind of grumbly – and ended in praise – and that’s a good thing! And your prayer? Awesome! “for endurance, strength, clarity, and wisdom” – awesome enough so that I just said it for you too. Thank you my friend, and God bless you.

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Glenna June 4, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Craig,
I pray that you begin to have wonderful sleep 8 hours or more each night,…
Have you tried this go to bed each night at the same time this will take a couple of weeks to
get into sleep mode as I call it …and make sure you get up at the same time each morning even if it means sitting your alarm ..try this for a few weeks and I know you will do much better ….Praying……………..

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Craig June 4, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Glenna, thank you – although all of that was tried many, many years ago – and is still practiced – well it’;; be simpler if I cut and paste what I wrote to another person today, because there’s not a whole lot in me…along with sleep hygiene…

…melatonin, serotonin, serotonin re-uptake inhibitors, sleep clinics, lung specialists, heart specialists, sleep specialist, alternative medicine, chiropractic, a thousand drugs, acupuncture, psychologists, psychiatrists, all the natural supplements and remedies – over 15 years – it’s ALL been tried. It is what it is – if a cure happens – lovely – if not – it is what it is. I hate the thorn – I love the God.

I’ll gladly take a miracle after 15 years of this – but what God wants – not me. And please, if you pray – do so for the legion of temptations following me – the sleep? as I said, I’d gladly take a miracle – BUT THOSE TEMPTATIONS – EEEEEK.

God bless you Glenna – and thank you.

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Tina June 4, 2012 at 8:09 pm

It’s been so long since I stopped in here. I’m glas I did. I struggled with insomnia for years. It seems to come and go these days but I can relate. It makes me feel like I’m in a drunkin stuper without ever consuming alcohol! Prayer for some sleep for you my friend!

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imperfect prose June 6, 2012 at 9:27 pm

craig, i’m praying for you. and i’ve emailed you, but no response… you won the print, friend, from my blog post last week! i’d like to send it to you, but need your address… can you email it to me? don’t give up, friend. in due time, the Bible says, you will reap a reward. e.

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A. June 6, 2012 at 10:42 pm

That God can make the broken beautiful is so hopeful and so helpful. It means the broken experiences do not have to be wasted experiences.

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