In which there is keeping watch

by Craig on September 29, 2012

gitzngirl-Sara Frankle-choose joy-choosejoy-death-dying

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I remember the waiting…
the counting of breaths…
and watching them decrease…
knowing that they would eventually stop.

I remember not wanting her to stop breathing…
and I remember wanting her to stop.

I remember wanting to hold on to her – alive – as long as possible.
I remember wanting her to move on…to see the Father…to be in bliss.

Torn.

I know what is like to keep watch over someone you love at the end of life.

*I wrote this one year ago, on Deep into Love. as Sara left this earth. It’s a hard thing to remember…but I never want to forget.*

I realized again today, harsh and cold, that Sara is alive, but she’s dying.
And I should be happy because she’s stepping into eternity…
eternity with God, eternity in love..where everything bad is gone and everything good is better…

gitzngirl-Sara Frankle-choose joy-choosejoy-death-dying

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where she will have a resurrected body…
one with no flaws, one that can do amazing things…
and she will know the love of God like we can only dream.

But for everything there is a season, and for me, it’s not time for that season yet.

I don‘t want to feel this pain.
I don’t want these tears..

I don’t want them to stop.

And I remember too today…

it was in the Garden of Gethsemane where the heart of Our Lord…

so strong, so courageous…

began…

to bleed.

gitzngirl-Sara Frankle-choose joy-choosejoy-death-dying

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I think the heaviest burden of the Crucifixion was the bearing of our sin.

I think Our Lord felt…real, true, most deeply…
the sadness that is sin…and how it destroys…
as he bore the burden it places on each of us.

I think Our Lord began to feel that weight in the Garden…

the pain, the tears, the agony.

He feels our joys now too.

But I think, not then – and it nearly broke him.

And he asked his friends to stay with him…

Then he said to them,
“My soul is sorrowful even to death.
Remain here and keep watch with me.” (MT 26:38)

You don’t abandon a loved one at a time like this.

You sit with you them.

You keep watch.

I’m.

Keeping.

Watch.

♥✞ღ

Here are all of this month’s Sara posts.
You might heart them as much as I.

In which it’s the small things
 Love remembers when eternity touches time
 In which sorrow submerges joy
Love prays peace, courage, faith, and knowing
In which are “eternity touching time” thank you’s to God
Love IS eternity touching time
In which there is hard love
Love believes beyond the dark doorway
In which everybody should have at least one
Love is the faith of a child

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Martha Orlando September 30, 2012 at 3:47 pm

And, a beautiful, loving, caring watch you are keeping, indeed, dear Craig . . . It is what we do when someone we love is dying, or has died. We remember them in love. And, with tears. And, with the joy that assures us they are with the Lord.
Yet, we weep . . .
The tears will cleanse our souls. God will bind up our wounds.
In time, we heal.
Love and blessings, my friend.

Reply

Craig October 31, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Martha, my friend. You’ve been like a diamond through all of this. I want you to know that I appreciate it. This climb out of the rabbit hole is been far longer than I would’ve expected. Thank you for reading my Sara posts – I think you read every one. I’m going back now and responding to all of the comments – I’d like to keep my record intact of never having a comment that I haven’t responded to. This is why you have, response from a comment that you left on September 30. Sometimes we keep watch for our friend’s. Sometimes our friends keep watch for us. Thank you for keeping watch for me. God bless and keep you, Martha!

Reply

thefisherlady October 1, 2012 at 11:30 pm

may we all be faithful as we keep watch …. always there is someone who needs that we keep watch
Craig, your writing is overflowing in care…very special

Reply

Craig October 31, 2012 at 9:19 am

These days, since those seven days with no sleep, have all been jumbled up into one for me. I’m sorry I’m only now replying to your comment from a month ago. But since I have begun blogging. I’ve never let a comment go without a response. So even though this is a very late response, I appreciate you so much that I need to respond. Thank you for still reading me while I’ve been going through this lost time. I thought I’d be out of the woods, out of the rabbit hole, but the rabbit hole was larger than I thought it would be. I’ve been needing someone to keep watch over me – and God has done that – but it’s pretty much just him. And what you wrote – it is so true – we always need to be kept watch over, and I have been. And we always need to keep watch over someone, because that’s love. Anyway, thank you Susan, as always, and as always, God bless and keep you.

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