In which is tapestry

by Craig on October 7, 2012

Tears are turning. Sara is dead, but still alive. Sara has gone home.

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Sadness is slowly turning…only because of faith.

Sara is dead.
But she’s still alive.
Sara has gone home.

And I don’t want to forget the hope that she represented, the way she faced all the difficult and tragic, and harsh, and sad that the world threw at her…

and how she confronted the end of life.

How can I forget such bravery, such faith, such love?

I can.

We can.

I’ve stopped praying for Sara, she no longer needs prayer.
Soon this heavy will turn and I’ll have a chance to choose joy…
at least the smile-y variation.

But I don’t want to forget.

It’s so sad, the lies we tell ourselves when people die. We say things like, “We’ll keep them alive in our heart” or “As long as we remember her she’ll live on.” Or we say that people continue to live through children or legacy.

It’s nothing but Santa Claus and Easter Bunny for adults.

We don’t need to believe in Santa Claus or Easter Bunny when we have Incarnation and Resurrection.

Do we?

Anyway, none of that talks keeps them alive.
It just keeps us from looking at death.

Life and the end of life are Spring and Fall…

Life and the end of life are Spring and Fall...

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…similar temperatures…
but one escapes winter, looking forward to summer…
the other leaves behind warm, and anticipates chill.
One is turbulent but full of new life…
the other is all blustery and things die out.

And I noticed the other day how the trickle of leaves falling will soon cover the ground…
and the trickle of time will soon cover all of this…
it’s an unavoidable fact…
we forget…
we move on.

But not so quick for me I think.

How God weaves the tapestry of his children together…
and leaves all his children free to choose their own way…
it makes for a tapestry ugly, disjointed, unruly, and imperfect…

when looking at it from underneath.

Only the top side reveals the pattern.

Life and the end of life are like a tapestry. Bottom up ugly, but...

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We only see the messy bottom.

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God sees both sides.

And this time, this tapestry, this messy bottom…
if I pray and weave purposefully…
I can make something of beauty from it.

Or…

or I can just abandon the tapestry…
move on to the next.

I think I have to weave.

So stay with me a little longer please, on this.

Sara doesn’t need her memory kept alive.

She’s got other things of much more import and interest to occupy her life in heaven.

She sees both sides of the tapestry now as easily as we drink water on a parched summer day.

It’ll take me a little longer to finish weaving this tapestry.

And I want both top…

and bottom…

to mean something.

♥✞ღ

Here are all of  the posts on life, the end of life, and Sara.
You might heart reading them as much as I.

In which it’s the small things
Love remembers when eternity touches time
In which sorrow submerges joy
Love prays peace, courage, faith, and knowing
In which are “eternity touching time” thank you’s to God
Love is eternity touching time
In which there is hard love
Love believes beyond the dark doorway
In which everyone should have at least one
Love is the faith of a child
In which there is keeping watch
Love is sometimes paradox
In which is rain, and tears in season
Love is greater than the universe, as are we 
In which is steady, intent, trudging toward the Light
Love reaches for the higher branches

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Martha Orlando October 8, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Now, we see only through a glass darkly . . . but, one day, like Sara, we will see clearly. We will have the whole picture, the entire tapestry before us; and we can trace the thread we wove while on earth. And, know how many other threads we have touched along the way.
So glad our threads have interwoven, my friend. You and your writing are such a blessing to me.
May God hold you tenderly in these days . . .

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Craig November 1, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Martha, I wish the tapestry analogy was original to me – it’s not. I originally heard it in seminary, it was written by Edith Schaeffer – it was one of the few things I read in seminary written by a woman. It’s a perfect way to look at life – knowing that God sees the finished work – and all we see are the tatters as the work is being made. I’m glad our threads have interwoven as well, my friend. You are a blessing. God bless and keep you Martha!

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A. October 8, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Keeping Sara’s memory alive the way you have has been helpful to me. She seemed to be well acquainted with both tremendous hardship and joy at the same time. And she chose the later despite the former. Thank you Craig.

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Craig November 1, 2012 at 4:18 pm

in this year that I have named “Csee– one of the things I’m seeing is that I’m woefully inadequate at choosing joy – I have gotten injured, I’ve gotten lost, I seem deepest darkness and light breaking through – and I haven’t chosen joy nearly enough. Remembering Sara has been a good reminder for me – every minute we choose. Every minute I choose. Sara said it was as easy as choosing – and there’s a lot of truth to that. God bless you A!

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