In which is battle…

June 26, 2012

source I know none of it was real… but it chases me still… a predator after prey… ferocious, furious, fierce. The hallucinations still grasp at me… sometimes with a velvet glove… sometimes with voracious claws. If you don’t know the details of the 170 hours of no sleep…these links tell some of the story so […]

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In which are the 170 “no sleep” hours…and Psalm 3

June 21, 2012

source During those 170 hours of no sleep… there was…some…sleep. It arrived in five to ten minute snippets. But it only made things worse. Hallucinations aren’t too detailed, too ingenious. Nightmares, when drifted in and out of…are. Hallucinations added fuel to nightmares. Nightmares buttressed the hallucinations. It’s not nice to gang up. How many are […]

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In which the ascent from the descent is dodgy

June 17, 2012

source 170 hours with no sleep… I slipped fast…away. Some of you have advised seeing a professional… Which I get, because those 170 hours… well… I think for three or four days, I was insane. …driven from among humanity… (DAN 4:32) That sounds a very strange thing to admit in public. And the hallucinations are […]

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In which…a message…

June 13, 2012

source I am having the hardest time finding my way back. Read about the no sleep from Deep into Love yesterday – it’ll explain a bit.And my last sleep deprived post from here – just down below. Stuff has happened – IS happening. Oh why did I name this year “see”? The things I have […]

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in which i disappear

June 9, 2012

I had no choice. It happens once, maybe twice a year. I fight. This time it won. I just slept for 90 minutes. Before that was 15o or something HOURS without sleep. i counted. Some of my mind is back as I write this…only some. And I remember every slip down the dark tunnel of […]

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In which Satan schemes and demons gather…

June 6, 2012

source He engineers the most exquisite traps… maneuvers himself silently and unseen… until he finds the perfect position… from which to deceive. He has eons of experience… plotting scheming, and cheating… seizing and snatching what is not his. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of […]

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In which I say a scribbly “Thank You God”.

June 4, 2012

source We can dress up our scribbly lives with the written word. Because we can edit, and edit and edit and edit. And then edit. ツ Oh what a mess these thank you’s were for hours and hours. Thank You God… #933… for editing. It makes jumbled up, sloppy chaos into something useable…eventually. #934… for […]

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In which is the truth…or a cookie

June 1, 2012

source The logical conclusion of believing there is no God is that nothing matters. Because without a Creator for creation…everything…is…meaningless. Like this “shooting star” life of ours… not there…then ablaze…then gone. It’s far better to believe… no matter how weak or doubtful the faith is… than the alternative. A Psalmist, wracked by doubt because of […]

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In which nothing has meaning if…

May 29, 2012

source If there is no God…there is no meaning of life. This was one of the first truths that led me to faith. I used simple words at the beginning. When I got to seminary bigger words were tossed about…Atheism, Theism, Nihilism. The logical end of believing there is no God (atheism), is knowing that […]

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In which is “useless” and “meaningless”

May 27, 2012

source I had just gotten over the effects of the drug that made me care about nothing. If I had stayed on it, I might not have cared about living…a stone’s throw from suicide. But the feelings lingered after I stopped taking it. . In the days following… were these overwhelming emotions… “I don’t want […]

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