In pre-dawn as I write these words…
lightning bolts are in the distance…
the sky rumbles and rolls…
but no loud clashes of thunder…
it means, I think, the storm is ending.
I don’t know what there is in that.
My brain’s a little foggy this morning.
I think some sort of life lesson…
if you see something in it, tell me.
Anyway…
I’ve been going over Bernard of Clairvaux’s 12 steps of pride…
which, when descended, lead to a pride that can prevent grace…
but when ascended become enlightened steps leading to true humility.
(By the way, step one is here, and two is here, three here, four here, and five…in case you want to peek)
I’m pausing on his 6th step, called “conceit”…
the step that prevents learning from others…
and I’m reading through your comments from the last year…
listening, learning, gathering wisdom like fish in a net…
and I’ll be checking as this year goes along…
and the net may not always be full…
…but it better not ever be empty.
I’ve named this year “see”…
a year to see with better eyes.
Last year was named “connect”, and I connected deeper, better, more pure, more loving than ever before. But along with this openness came vulnerability – and with the vulnerability, hurt. It was a surprise to me, but so many of you saw it coming from the start.
Amber from Click Pray Love knew, and also told me…
There is much joy that comes along with the pain,
somehow, though,
the pain often shines brighter.
This year I’ve shared in the joy of others…and heartaches too.
I’ve connected with so many open armed hearts…and some armed with daggers.
And what sticks out to me, sadly, are the daggers.
Why is it that a thousand kind words can be undone by a single hurtful one?
I have so much difficulty hearing the positive things.
First, because I just haven’t had much of that in my life.
I’m used to being torn down far more than built up.
But second…
because…
before I knew our Lord…
I used kind words more as a bait…
than as a blanket for the cold…
or bread for the hungry…
or pillows for a weary head…
to gain favor…
not bestow it.
So I’m more acute to hurt than happiness…to attack than edification.
As Amber put it, “…the pain often shines brighter.”
I can’t let that happen can I?
Learn from it…
use it as something to push against…
a way to propel forward…
not a mire in which to sink.
As quick as I’ve been to let a single unkind word or action unwind me…
I should be that much more open to kind words…and let them wind. me. up.
Right?
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
Right. To not accept someone’s kind words or deeds is to rob them of their blessings. Besides Craig, I see that you are able to accept God’s kindness, therefore, consider that others’ kindness towards you comes from Him. Simple…right?
I like how you explain the reason you have always had a hard time accepting kindness from people, and it makes a lot of sense. Paradigm shift time?
Blessings on your day Craig.
Kreg iz still having of sik Victoria – so I am having of reeply agen – he wil be enuf betur foor next comentz – he iz having of soreez. Luv laska.
I can’t remember the stats… but I know it takes x number of positive affirmations to overcome 1 negative word. And I went trying to surf the web and find it and couldn’t. But at the same time I know this and it doesn’t make it easier to accept the kind words of others even if they are the truth. Truly changing and accepting the positive comes from a changed heart by God and realizing His truth. I am sure I haven’t said anything you don’t already know.
“I have so much difficulty hearing the positive things. First, because I just haven’t had much of that in my life. I’m used to being torn down far more than built up.” You know from talking and sharing I understand this concept so much. It is why I have such a tough time accepting God’s truth and others who share how they see me as good, kind and nice.
By the way at the end of Feb. I am sharing my story publicly at church on Tuesday night at our recovery group – again. I would appreciate prayers as I rewrite and think about it all again and share it – Feb 28.
Katie, I have been blessed by this praying community…I will pray for you as you prepare to share in Feb.
A.
Thank you!
Kreg iz still having of sik Katie – so I am havingz of reeply agen – he wil be enuf betur foor next comentz – he iz having of soreez. Luv laska.
ps kreg sez haz alredee prayed – and wil agen – sez tu remind him
Craig, I am already grateful in advance for all that will happen in your life this year as you pursue ‘seeing’ anew. What insights and restoration await! I am thankful you will be sharing with all of us. The blessings just multiply that way, like the fishes and loaves, don’t they?
Kreg iz still having of sik A – so I am havingz of reeply agen – he wil be enuf betur foor next comentz – he iz having of soreez. Luv laska.
Praying that all of the Jesus kindness keeps flowing into you and winding you up, keeping a buffer against the negative, a Spirit force that can’t be undone.
God bless you!
Kreg iz still having of sik – so I am havingz of reeply agen – he wil be enuf betur foor next comentz – he iz having of soreez. Luv laska.