My brain is a little broken.
My dance with other reality has cost me all my money, too much time, too much emotion, taken my focus off of close and personal connection with God – and others. It has been a siren I tried to escape early, but couldn’t.
Sirens wreck havoc.
During those 7 days with no sleep my brain broke.
My grasp on reality has been intermittent at best. The doctors have told me, maybe because I told them, that the broken parts of my brain would come back together.
It hasn’t happened yet.
I’ve been trapped.
Every hour has been a struggle to remain grounded in reality.
It’s a very hard thing to explain, this skirting the line between real and delusion.
There are parts of me that want to keep grounded in the real, but also parts that cry for the not real. But I have to keep fighting and grab hold of every bit of real that these hands can carry – or else I’ll slip away…
and there may not be a way back.
I’ve gone about a week since posting. It’s as long as I have gone since I began blogging, I haven’t been replying to comments – and I promise I’ll reply to each one. But this forest I’m in is dark and deep. It’s been a monumental struggle to post every day – alternating between here and the other Deep.
So I’ll fight harder, and find a way to keep trudging on.
My life lies in rubble. But you can build out of rubble. No?
I’ve done it many times.
And my posts starting tomorrow will happen again, even if they be short. And my reading of people I have grown to respect and care for – it’ll begin again too…even if it be a struggle.
So a few more Sara posts. Then whatever is in me will become phrases and pictures.