One day this past week…I didn’t feel my faith…and I wrote this. It’s part two (part one is here).
I felt no faith at all…
not a stitch of it…
no heavy darkness…
no great turmoil…
no depression or sadness…
just an empty vessel.
The human heart is a poor container for that which it believes.
But then, an earthen vessel doesn’t sustain…it merely contains.
It’s the Source of faith who sustains the faith…
when the feelings…
betray the faith.
Did she have faith before…or after she fought through the crowd?
Crawling, clasping and groping…to find the hem of the garment…
the tassel hanging from the hem…
and steal the healing without asking. (LK 8 )
Desperation is not an unkind host to faith…
but even a most hospitable host…
only entertains…but does not sustain…the guests.
Better, I think, to be at the foot of the Cross…
undeserving, unbelieving…
follow the orders…
drive the nails deep…
raise the beam high…
hear…
“It. Is. Finished.”
To be bold in your disbelief…
then decide as the veil is torn…
and whisper softly…
“Surely this is the son of God.” (MT 27)
And kneel down to rise up…
and catch the white dove.
Faith is not feeling.
Such good reason to believe…
but in the end…
it’s just a deep breathing in…
of grace…
and choosing…
that’s all…
just. choosing. to. believe.
And what?
I would trade away glimpses of eternity…
earned hard through gauntlets of trial and doubt…
living a life so short on blessings…
but being greatly blessed nonetheless?
The Evil One would convince me to hand it over?
For what…
a stew…
some silver…
one bride or a thousand…
an earthly alliance…
a single bow at his feet? (GEN 25, MT 26, 1 Kings 11, IS 36, LK 4)
Or a feeling?
Or no feeling?
A brief success for the Evil One…
but in the end…
I think not.
God speaks…
and I listen…
and I yield. (JAS 4)
Only then can I resist the Evil One…
the lesser one…
and he scampers away in terror…
not frightened one bit by me…
but by the One standing behind me.
I find it so hard to hate.
I can for a bit, but it slips from my grasp.
Yet that Enemy of God…
hard charging, and sneaky, and clever…
he is deserving of hate.
I hate him right now.
If I can only hold on to that…
be hot angry at the tempter and not let it cool.
The Evil One is the one person it is good to remain angry at…and never forgive.
After all these years of believing, it seems my spirit always finds itself where it’s previously been…
been here…
thought this…
felt this…
didn’t feel at all…
and then always, always…
believed even more.
I choose…
I…
choose…
to hold on white knuckled to my battered and worn shield…
my shield…
of faith. (EPH 6)
I still believe in you Lord, I’m not going to stop.
A slave to you…
a slave to you…
a slave to you…
not to my feelings.
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
wow!
first, I’m sorry for the late response Victoria – second thank you – and God bless you.
this had to go into my “blogs from Craig” file. wow!
“A slave to you . . . not to my feelings.”
Perfect. This says it all . . .
With Victoria, I join in with a mighty “Wow”!
Thank you for this incredibly inspiring post, Craig.
God bless you!
Martha, this was born of the darkness that I’ve been battling recently – this battle isn’t over yet – and so this late response. There is winning and losing, and good moments and bad, but I’m fighting it – and it is real. And I knew from the start that there were reasons that God has allowed this darkness to hover after I named the year – this is only one of them. This post, I don’t give myself much credit for – I think I got it from someone else. You know? Thank you Martha – and God bless you my friend.
I wonder if I can just memorize this????? I’m with the other “Wow’s” here, Craig.
Cora, my friend, I need to memorize this too – thank you Cora, and I’m sorry for the late response – this battle – this ongoing battle I have right now with darkness – I never expected it to go on this long – and I think there’s more to learn – and I’m not really looking forward to it. So thank you Cora again – and God bless you!
Having faith…in the face of no feelings….yes, that is a worthy and necessary battle cry! thank you, Craig!
and my favorite pics…either the ‘breathing in grace’ or the ‘no feelings’ one. I heart your picture choices!
those two pictures – especially the one of “no feelings” – those are two of the most favorite ones I found – the “no feelings” one – really nailed it like few of the pictures I’ve found have been able to do. Thank you A – and as always my friend, God bless you!