In which there there’s a battle

by Craig on January 9, 2012

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Just grow up…
even if you’re already grown…

breathe…
focus on the task at hand…
decide on the fly…
because later will be too late.

Just. Grow. up.

Be direct…
say what’s needed…
Truth in love…
always in love…
delicate care over a sharp tongue…
words cut…
but say what’s needed now…
because later will be too late.

And sometimes…
silence…
because anything will hurt…
words of love or hate feel the same…

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bite the tongue…
hold the words…
because sometimes now is too early…

…grow. up.

No bargaining with God…
no turning back time…
step up…make hard choices…

and if you can’t…
do it anyway.
Wabble the knees…
face the giant…
sling the stones.

Ask for help…
from others…
from God.

One foot in front of the other…

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…even if yours are the only feet.

God is there, even if He’s silent.

Either strive to believe that all the way…
or if not…
why believe at all?

And so for days after I named the year “see” – and said I would “see with better eyes”. I closed those eyes for too long. My eyes, “better” or not, were blind. Blind eyes only see shadows, if anything.

I wasn’t breathing…
wasn’t deciding…
wasn’t moving…
wasn’t connecting…
wasn’t confronting challenges…

I was listening too hard to the wrong voices…

disregarding the better ones…

I wasn’t grown up.

My year of “seeing with better eyes” saw only bleak and failure. I was speaking too much to myself and not enough to others, and not enough to the One who is always just right, always on time…

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…until I reached up to the hands of the Father…

and I asked for help…

and God listened…

and gentled me and settled me.

Darned if he doesn’t do that so often.

Then the peace he gave…

I gave it right back…
unable to hold the gift…
with hands covering eyes.

Darned if I don’t do that so often.

So I asked the Father again…and again…and again…

repeating as Jesus did for Peter (JN 21:15-17)…

and the Only Begotten Son did with his Father (MK 14:35-39).

I asked like a child…

small voice….

big God.

Because sometimes…

you have to grow up…

grow up and become as…

a child.

{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

Martha Orlando January 9, 2012 at 10:52 am

I so heart this ending, Craig! It is absolutely true and something all of us need to grow into fully.
Thank you, as always, for another inspirational post!
Blessings to you!

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Craig January 9, 2012 at 2:49 pm

I didn’t know that’s where it was going when I started – but when I got there I knew it was the perfect ending. Must not have come from me ツ anyway, thank you Martha, as always, and as always, God bless you!

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Shannon January 9, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Amen! Praying for you!

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Craig January 9, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Shannon, thank you, things seem pretty oppressive right now – and not earthly kind of oppressive – I think the more prayer – the better. God bless you Shannon.

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Sylvia January 9, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Oh, yes, I like that — that ending — too. And of course, growing up is a process, accompanied by fits and starts and growing pains, and nobody does it any other way — even growing up into becoming as a little child.
Thank you for this.
And prayers for you.

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Craig January 9, 2012 at 2:54 pm

as I said to Martha, I didn’t know that’s where it was going when I started – but when I got there I knew it was the perfect ending. Must not have come from me ツ and in this upside down kingdom that’s the way it works isn’t it? The goal is to be more independent as an adult – but as an adult Christian more dependent, we become first by being last, things like that – upside down – and correct. Thank you Sylvia, and thank you for your prayers, God bless you!

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Cora January 9, 2012 at 4:28 pm

My reaction???? Just an “OH, WOW!!!!!”

If anything here was ever God-inspired (or at least perfectly timed and meant for ME), it was this. I’m struggling. Struggling hard to be grown up like a child, to be wise and simple, generous and frugal, to see without being judgy, to hold tightly and yet be able to let my balloons fly in the wind, to be steadfast and stay in the ruts of the well-travelled road and still brave enough to climb new mountains!

I will be coming back to this, Craig. Thank you!

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Craig January 9, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Cora, that whole paragraph you wrote – beautiful – all the this and that’s. It’s all a balance isn’t it? God bless you Cora!

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Debbie January 9, 2012 at 6:53 pm

Craig, you know what I saw here . . .your year of seeing and then growing up like a little child. . .I began thinking about how children see things, sweet things, little things, details that we miss. And the innocence they see with, the purity. Thank you, Craig. You have me wanting to see and grow up and become a child too!

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Craig January 13, 2012 at 6:10 am

Debbie, first of all, sorry for leaving a reply to a comment a few days late. The world gets in the way of seeing with the eyes of the child – then the Evil One must as well – but seeing simple, as I wrote – even primitive. We don’t like to be called primitive – but Jesus saw everything through spiritual eyes – I want to do the same – don’t know if I’ll be able to. But I want to. Thank you Debbie. God bless

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A. January 9, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Amen, Debbie and Craig…I have little to add, except that I recently read about the value of ‘leaning into the pain in our lives’ and this somehow has to do with seeing and growing up.

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Craig January 13, 2012 at 6:13 am

A – first – and what’s becoming too commonplace – sorry for replying so late. My saying has always been – the equivalent to the leaning into pain saying – is that no Christian should ever waste their pain – it’s gonna happen – it’s a broken world – so since it’s gonna be there – we should use it – learn – grow – and lean on our Lord – easy to say I know. Anyway – I try not to waste mine. During my bitter moments I don’t. God bless you A.

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Nacole January 11, 2012 at 9:55 pm

ok…im like Cora…just–wow. i really like this, this is really poetic, Craig.

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Craig January 13, 2012 at 6:16 am

Nicole, I’m so behind on willso many things – sorry for replying to this comment late – I don’t do poetry anymore because it just takes too much out of me – I’m not a poet – but from reading – reading people like you – I think my prose has become more poetic. and sometimes God wraps up meandering thoughts – like He did here – that ending was inspired – and I think it wasn’t me. So thank you ,y friend. And God bless you!

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