I began this thank you list not feeling one bit thankful.
But I thought that if I talked it out with God…
the thank you’s might pour out…
even if they flowed sluggish…
and sleepy…
and slow…
like cold syrup from the fridge.
And so I did.
And so they did.
I’m thankful…
#742…that You get, Lord, that I can’t always be “up”.
#743…that “…we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who has similarly been tested in every way, yet without sin.” (Heb 4:15)
#744…that You didn’t find and save me because I was perfect, but because You loved me in my imperfection.
My thank you’s are to You Lord, so not admitting to the struggle is a little bit useless. You understand how these feelings of mine can betray me. You get how lack of sleep can make a plaything of my emotions.
And there has been severe lack of sleep.
#745…that You understand, that when enemy spiritual forces, or earthly circumstances, surround me, surround us,
…like wolves… howling, baring teeth, jostling for the lead position in the attack…it’s can be hard to say thank you.
#746…that your justice is mingled with mercy. Oh, how I heart that.
I named this year “see”…
and it’s not so successful so far…
but You whisper to me that it’s a whole year…
there is time to learn to “see” better.
#747… that you “see” the end from the beginning. You are never surprised.
And since I named this year “see” publicly…peer pressure makes it hard to go back on that.
#748…for peer pressure. (written with an actual smile)
I felt like a hypocrite this morning…
after writing just a week ago of an inexplicable darkness…
one lifted only by prayer…
and find myself in in a less dark…but still foggy dimness as the sun rises today.
Then this comes to mind.
When an unclean spirit goes out of someone, it roams through arid regions searching for rest but, finding none, it says, ‘I shall return to my home from which I came. But upon returning, it finds it swept clean and put in order. Then it goes and brings back seven other spirits more wicked than itself who move in and dwell there, and the last condition of that person is worse than the first. (Luke 11:24-26)
It’s not uncommon that spiritual forces, once defeated, return…with reinforcements.
#749…that You don’t leave us alone on the material and spiritual battleground of this life.
#750…that even though I don’t feel it right now, I believe it, and I’ll keep on believing it, until I feel it.
#751…that I can talk to You so freely and honestly about doubt mingled with my faith.
#752…that You understand.
{ 35 comments… read them below or add one }
Thank you for sharing the verses from Luke. I don’t believe I’ve ever paid them any heed before. That doesn’t make it better, exactly, but at least we can understand why when we think we’ve defeated something it sometimes comes back worse.
Blessings to you today.
Stacy, I think you’re like me. You’ve heard them – you’ve even paid them heed – like me – but you and I both have forgotten a little – we always forget a little. We’re so lucky to have that BOOK – that writing gathered in one place to study – because we forget. I had forgotten – but now I remember. Nasty habits, nasty demons, they are insidious,and they often travel in packs. Blessings to you to today Stacy – blessings!!
Such raw, real thanksgiving…beautiful.
thank you Elizabeth – I’m always afraid when I write something like this that it’ll come across as whiny, lacking in faith – but then I remember that not a single one of us has faith the size of a mustard seed. Thank you for your kind words – it’s words like yours that keep me from putting on masks. God bless you and Elizabeth!
Elizabeth, you said it perfectly.
Love, love, love your list! #742 and #744 RESONATED in a huge way with me!! So thankful for #747 and #752.
Have a blessed day!
Stephanie, because you noted those numbers on my thank you list, I went back and read them, one after the other – and altogether – read all at once – I hearted them a lot! Thank you for that. I’m smiling because of you. I hope you have a blessed day too Stephanie.
He has already won the victory! We must only claim it. We face a defeated foe! Praying for you this week Craig. Thanks so much for your honest thanksgiving. He is always worthy!
Kelly, yes, he is a defeated foe – but he still stirs up so much trouble. He and his minions are the only beings in the universe beyond redemption – beyond redemption by their choices. And amen, our Lord is ALWAYS worthy! God bless you and yours Kelly!
Craig,
These were more like warm soothing oil to me than cold syrup! hee hee. I really value most the thank you’s that are thank You’s, focused where our focus most needs to me. These all blessed me. I hope they blessed and lifted you as well — that filling the empty spaces with this stuff leaves less room for the enemy and “reinforcements” to return and try to occupy!
and a twist to your words Sylvia – I heart these thank you’s because they bring me to the One I need to focus ON. Thank you for being so nice – I appreciate it. And the fog was much better by the time I had finished – and when I had begun. And such a good point you made – that filling the empty, well swept rooms with this kind of “stuff” does leave less room for the enemy at his reinforcements to return and occupy – so much good stuff in your comment – thank you! God bless and keep you Sylvia!
correction: where our focus most needs to *be.*
(I’m making a lot of *humbling* spelling mistakes this morning, but I’m keeping on going anyhow!) God bless.
isn’t that funny! I totally understood what you wrote – didn’t even notice the typo – in my family – and PLEASE take this the right way – I’m sharing a family secret – in my family we say, “don’t worry, I speak idiot too!” ツ funny! Smiling! God bless!
Well taken, fer sher. Permission to speak idiot makes me more comfortable!
Oh, brother Craig–I just love this stuff! You’re so real and honest–and don’t you think that’s what draws folks to Christ, really? And it sure ‘nough blesses this sister–thank you so much! Have an excellent (even if imperfect) day–He truly loves us all the time!
Caddo, I think it’s those masks that we put on – when were not honest with each other – you know – how everybody only puts their best foot forward – and everybody pretends they’re not broken – and us Christians – with the worst at it – or best at it, depending on which way you look at it. It’s what makes us all feel like everybody else’s life is altogether – and ours is the only one messed up. No masks. It’s one of the biggest lessons I learned from last year, named “connect” and the lessons didn’t come easy. Anyway, thank you for your kind words – they mean a lot. And amen,He truly does love us ALL the time. God bless you Caddo.
Craig, thank you for sharing the verse from Luke. Being a novice Bible reader, I haven’t focused on these words and now, I see for the first time, how real it is in my own life. How when I feel as if I’ve battled and successfully climbed an obstruction, yet another wave hits me. I understand it now. Thank you!!
Carrie, I’m WAY not a novice Bible reader – and those words hit me today like they never have before. That’s why we should never get do”done” reading the Bible I guess –and that’s why sometimes I wonder why people always feel like they have to add to those words – there’s much more there than any one person can grasp in one lifetime. I’m glad you get it. I’m glad I got it ツ God bless you Carrie!
With the verse from Luke, you make it so crystal clear why those with the most potential to do what is right for the Lord are the very ones who come under such vicious attacks. Just when we think we see the light at the end of the tunnel . . . When we find an ease in our breathing and in our prayers . . . all over again, plunged into darkness or, if we are fortunate, only the haze you describe.
Being thankful in it all and knowing He is walking with us saves us when we cannot save ourselves.
Another gem, Craig!
funny how sometimes we don’t really understand a verse until “suddenly” it applies to us. Oh me of little faith! Thank you Martha, and amen – HE IS walking with us. God bless you my friend.
And, may God continue to bless you!
Craig,
Beautiful……..words and pictures. Thank you for sharing your soul and what God is doing in you……and consequently through you in our lives. Praying for God’s continuing work in you as through your poetry you speak to others what they can’t say themselves.
Darnly, first I’m sorry it’s taken me so long – SO VERY LONG – to reply to your comment. This darkness I’ve been writing about – it’s been heavy – and I’m working my way through it – and when it’s dark I tend to isolate – and not replying is one way to isolate – so I’m sorry. Second, I don’t do poetry – well I do – but it takes so much out of me that I stick with prose – however, I do seem to be developing a style somewhere in between the two. God bless you Darnly.
So thankful I have found your bloggy world here. I just begin counting gifts today and WOW there’s so much. Your list though has touched my heart deeply today. To remember He is the God who sees it all! Our imperfections are nothing to him. Makes me want to shout HALLELUJAH!!! Blessings.
Alene,
Welcome to the counting! I love it when I see someone begin. It is such a blessing. Thanks for sharing.
Dawn
(at Craig’s)
ALene – u mite not no me – but I m laska th luv kitee – kregz katz.. Kreg NOT iz feeling wel. Is soree he kant reply. I am havingz reeply foor u tu hav helpingz foor him. Kreg wantz me to be havingz of telling to u that he red coment but iz feelingz of tu much bad to reeply. Not onlee am I havingz of reeply but I am havingz of writingz BOTH blogz tuday – come! REED! Kreg an laska wil reeply tu all comentz.
Luv laska
ps he sez is havingz of graytful that u fownd him.
I love that we can be so real with God and I love that it is okay to not be okay at times.
Kreg iz still having of sik Erin – so I am havingz of reeply agen – he wil be enuf betur foor next comentz – he iz having of soreez. Luv laska.
ps iz ok to not alwayz bee ok
Craig, I love how you continue to pour out your heart to God in thankfulness for things I don’t know that I would always be thankful for.
Kreg iz still having of sik Katie – so I am havingz of reeply agen – he wil be enuf betur foor next comentz – he iz having of soreez. Luv laska.
ps kreg sez he haz thaynkingz foor u
How often I wish there were “like” buttons between stanzas or at everyones’ comments. Such good words all over the place.
Am I wrong about this? Somehow I equate your masks as your curling up in bed, it just seems like the same to me and now the more I think about it the more I think that makes an easy target for the enemy. So glad you’re standing your ground. So glad you’re resisting. he has to flee.
I like to tell people that I do the devil dance when these forces come at me. Luke 10:19. Seems to work.
Do you have music playing at your house? If so, what kind? If I may ask.
Kreg iz still having of sik Victoria – so I am havingz of reeply agen – he wil be enuf betur foor next comentz – he iz having of soreez. Luv laska.
PS i have lisening tu hiz music – not alwayz music – but wen iz on iz pandora – contemporaree chrischin – sandee patttee, susan ashton etc…
So sorry to hear you are sick!! I’m praying for your speedy recovery. God bless.
i loved the list, Craig…
i totally get being elated and letting everyone know the darkness has passed, and then having to admit that it is back, maybe even worse than before. i have had to do that so many times throughout the years and it is humiliating. Paul talked about a thorn in the flesh. sometimes i wonder if this darkness that keeps coming, like powerful waves washing over and over, seeming to never give me a break is maybe a thorn in my that God has put there to keep me humble. i know it has sure done its work, and continues to. how can one be proud when one is humiliated? its like Jesus telling the disciples that its good that he goes, because unless He goes, the comforter cannot come. they did not understand that–how could Jesus going possibly be good? how can this suffering and humiliation possibly be good? how does God expect me to be the godly, good, perfect wife and mother in this condition? yet, He knows best, and maybe what He wants is not perfect, but soft around the edges and compassionate toward the hurting, drawing them unto myself and joyful in serving and holy and blameless in His sight. His way is better, this trial, this suffering. Jesus going was better. because the comforter came, the Holy Spirit, the very spirit of God, one who was just like Jesus, and he indwelled them and empowered them from on high. how do you get any better than that?
i think i just found a post for this week–its called copy and paste, my friend. you always bring this out in me! im so glad to call you friend!
here is my gratitude post for this past week:
http://sixinthehickorysticks.blogspot.com/2012/01/holy-work-31-days-to-holistic-christ.html
first of all – I’m so behind on comments I don’t have a lot to write – or at least the time to write it – but I read every word of this comment – I really do heart reading your words! such a gift you have! God bless you and Nacole!
{ 1 trackback }